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The Importance Of Self Pleasure

It seems every blog post I have written so far this year (particularly The Year Loungewear Was King) mention how difficult the last twelve months have been. With ongoing government implemented lockdowns and restrictions that are still in place today in many countries around the world and the effect(s) that can have on just about every aspect of our life. I briefly touched on the positive effects the last year has had on our work life and environment, our social life and how we are slowly learning to stop people pleasing and…. quite frankly say no more. One key note though, I think we have all learned the importance of putting our own needs first. With the importance now emphasised on our own needs *as if the title didn’t already give everything away!* I feel it is important to now discuss the negative effect COVID-19 (and the restrictions that have been put in place) have had on so many people. I don’t want to highlight this as something to only be effecting single people, nor do I want to induce any kind of worry or concern on couples who may have noticed the spark dwindling of recent. There is an endless number of possible reasons and solutions I will address after the jump in this blog – so please continue reading with an open mind. Today is Valentine’s Day and in the spirit of love why not start with the most important love story of all: our self. We are going to go to bed with ourselves every single night and wake up to ourselves every single morning. We need to learn to love and appreciate every inch of our bodies, every fibre and molecule in our being, every quirky trait and all the bits we try to hide away from the world – because this is who we are!

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I completely get it! People are having to adopt and quickly adjust to a new way of life since COVID-19. People are now working from home, homeschooling their kids, caring for elderly, vulnerable or disabled people, house training their brand new bundles of joy (in the form of pets), still learning how to operate Zoom meetings and still trying to find the perfect banana bread recipe. With so much change to our daily routine it can be very easy to lose track of time.

When is the last time you stepped back and took some time out for yourself?
Releasing stress and pent up tension is one of the biggest health benefits self pleasure has to offer. There is hard scientific evidence to back this up. A serious amount of man hours (no pun intended) went into the research of health benefits self pleasure has to offer and there is proof to support these claims. You can not argue with science. Furthermore, science has also found a strong correlation between self pleasure and your relationship with sleep. As you know we go through various REM and non-REM cycles throughout the night and science has found an orgasm right before we hit the hay could equal a much higher quality of sleep as it increases the amount of deep sleep needed for the body to fully recover and repair – further boosting the immune system and to read into even more ways to do just that click here to read my other blog!


This is a perfectly acceptable and valid reason which can fall on the shoulders of either you or your partner. We all like when our significant other is paying extra special attention to us – it makes us feel seen, beautiful, appreciated and valuable. If you have noticed they have not been paying as much attention to you recently try not to jump to the worst case scenario. Life happens. Circumstances change. Things can get overwhelming from time to time. Chances are they are adjusting and dealing and in no time will be back to swooning over your every move. If you do find yourself doubting your other half you should feel comfortable enough in your relationship and in yourself to openly discuss this issue in a safe and supporting environment. Hopefully you can both come to some kind of resolution to further build and strengthen your relationship.

When is the last time you took matters of the relationship into your own hands?
You don’t necessarily have to wait for your partner to pick up the slack. Set the mood… lead by example. Don’t forget that your partner also has feelings and could benefit from feeling seen, beautiful, appreciated and valuable. Massages are an excellent way to get things progressing. Start out with some candles, have the body oil on stand by and close to hand, dim the lighting, go with either new or your old faithful sexy lingerie. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt to put a little bit of effort in and when unexpected from the receiving party can really make a difference. You might be surprised by the results and who said you only need to have fun together when there is so many toys designed to enhance the experience for both participants.


This was always valid reasoning – and could not be more accurate in the never ending saga that is 2020-2021. I think the first lockdown of March 2020 proved to myself and millions around the world that we are in fact just waiting on our next meal – and when we are not waiting we are passing the time by snacking, we are curing boredom with unhealthy food choices, living in blissful unawareness then suddenly realise you have consumed half a bag of crisps (or chips depending on your location) and suddenly you realise we are in the second month of 2021 and not much has changed. As I said we are going to bed with and waking up to ourselves every single day. We need to learn to love and appreciate our bodies.

Is there ways we are able to boost our self esteem and body image?
There only is on answer: self pleasure. Well that is partly true – yes it does indeed boost your self esteem and body image but there is other methods of doing just that. Self pleasure can be a way of practicing self love, getting to know your body and spending quality time on your own. Taking that time to explore your body and find out what is in you enjoy can seriously boost your self esteem. An orgasm does release a number of hormones that have been nicknamed ‘feel good hormones’ or ‘happiness hormones’ such as:

Dopamine: One of the ‘happiness hormones’ related to your brains reward system.
Endorphins: The body’s natural pain reliever. This also has de-stressing and mood boosting effects.
Oxytocin: This can also be referred to as the ‘love hormone’ and is associated with social bonding.
Testosterone: This hormone is released during self pleasure (both alone and with a partner) to improve stamina and arousal.
Prolactin: This hormone plays an important role in lactation but has also been found to influence your mood and immune system.


I fully understand how seeing yet another price tag suddenly appear on your phone screen can cause butterflies – and not the good kind! Especially if you are not well acquainted with toy play and have not yet fully explored, experienced and understood the euphoria that comes with them. Believe me I am not trying to guilt anyone out there reading this to step outside their comfort zone or spend beyond their means – all I am asking is an open mind to the possibility of bringing in outside sources to assist with the mission.

When was the last time you treated yourself to something nice?
Right now (Valentine’s Day – February 14) LoveHoney.co.uk has amazing offers and discounts! For example there is a 20% student discount, a 15% discount when you sign up to receive LoveHoney emails and free discreet delivery when you spend £40. While we may have missed the delivery date for Valentines Day that is not to say you can not treat yourself now on a new toy to experiment with. Look at it this way: right now with the current lockdowns and restrictions it is the ideal time to splurge on an item like this. We are not running off to the hair and/or nail salon every 6 weeks, nor are we hitting Starbucks for our daily tall, half caff soy latte and for a vast majority of us we are not spending money on our daily commute to the office.


I mean… it is 2021 and we have made it this far need I say any more!?
I so clearly remember the episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte was prescribed antidepressants by her gynaecologist because her vagina was depressed – fast forward a few moments later and we discover the reason being that Charlotte views it as “ugly.” From that moment I immediately realised the immense amount of pressure and scrutiny we put ourselves under in every aspect of our lives. In another episode Charlotte decides to indulge and treat herself to a Rabbit vibrator and becomes highly addicted to her new toy and the girls have to pull an intervention. I will warn now… vibrate with caution! I don’t want to be at the receiving end of anyones addictions.

How do we become the experts of self pleasure and loving ourselves fully?
The million dollar question. If you expect the closing statement of my blog to hold all of the answers I hate to disappoint. What I do know is you will not become an expert sitting here online for much longer contemplating what to be doing this evening when I have already taken the liberty of rhyming off so many benefits. Take the example from Sex and the City above: Charlotte went from being body conscious, depressed and frustrated to open minded and experiencing all that life has to offer – or at least all that a battery operated Rabbit shaped vibrator has to offer. It starts with looking into a mirror and appreciating you for being exactly who you are. No Instagram likes or Facetune. No photoshop and filters. YOU.

Your self worth does not come from social media and it is most certainly not defined by your relationship status. Hallmark has set such high expectations on Valentines Day and it can feel overwhelming and nauseating for the couples (aka me) so I can’t even image how it would make a single who is extremely conscious of that when having love displayed in such an over the top type of way. I would like to raise a toast to everyone reading this blog – heres to you! For being exactly who you are. You deserve to be celebrated, appreciated and loved and that must start with you. It is so important to have a good, positive connection and relationship with you as you are before you are able to radiate and enlighten anyone else with love around you. Happy February 14 everyone! X

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